When I was 18 and our boiler leaked, we ended up with a massive hole in our living room ceiling and an urgent need to move out…
We lived temporarily in a flat on the 8th floor of a building who’s lifts regularly broke down (I take no issue with the flat itself but a massive issue with the owners/managers for allowing it to remain inaccessible for great lengths of time). My parents had to travel over an hour each way for work and other commitments so I was alone more than usual. Meaning my energy was devoted to practicing my jacket potato cooking skills. Most days, all I had strength for was making sure I still ate while my parents were busy. I think this was the start of realising how much I need my them as carers.
A lack of organisation, initiative or something I won’t go into right now at the local authority meant I wasn’t signed up to anything (education wise) for the 8-9 weeks we lived in that flat. I had no sense of purpose. I was depressed, confused, isolated and prone to hyper phases if I tried to distract myself from all of that.
Things which kept me going included a chocolate milk drink, gluten free lemon drizzle cakes (this was before the days of my sugar-free diet), early morning cups of tea (my sleep schedule was a mess that saw me watching the sun rise and set, but often being in bed with a migraine for hours in-between), my soft grey blanket and the cluster of trees visible beyond the shops and roads.
So one morning, cup of tea in hand, I wrote myself a song.
It’s called Trees and Tea and is structured more like a poem than a song but I think that’s part of its charm.
Around the same time I also ordered far too many clothes from a retro inspired brand. Another distraction in the form of skirts and dresses for me to stuff my floofy petticoats underneath.
I decided to make a music video. I planned it in my head at night, not fully believing I would ever create it. Then one day I got up, got all the outfits ready and made it.
If you’d like to open this video/YouTube in a new tab, just click here.
I’m sharing this now because at the time it was purely intended as a personal distraction with the bonus of making a couple of friends smile. That meant I barely mentioned it on social media, feeling like shouting at people to “GO WATCH IT!” would spoil the gentle mood I’d created for myself. Now though, I think it’s pretty cute and deserves a snazzier airing to the world than I’ve previously given it. I hope you enjoy a few minutes with past-Sakara! (And try not to cry if you’re a professional media type, I have no great editing or filming experience. But that makes this no less fun to look back on). In case you hadn’t guessed by the difference in setting (and hair length), the photos with this post are new, but do feature a skirt I wore in the video two years ago.
I’m hoping to share more music oriented content in future but it’s not something I want to rush (despite this particular rush job having turned out so well!). I do miss playing to people. And to think, 18 year old me in the video hadn’t played a guitar at all, let alone performed live with one. Weird thought that.
Until next time,
-Sakara, 20 now (okay I nearly wrote 19. Still getting used to it…).
P.S. If you use Bloglovin’, you can keep up to date with my site through them, just click here. (Opens in new tab) Otherwise, I’m around regularly on Instagram and Twitter (Facebook is a work in progress…).